I haven’t written on my site consistently since March. And this isn’t because I haven’t had anything to say or share. But it’s because every time I try to write, I just can’t. So this post isn’t going to be SEO savvy, the images may not be the greatest if I add them but this is my truth because I’m just tired of being miserable.

When COVID hit, I thought I was ready. I went to Costco and started to stock up on all the necessities. The original thought was that we would be quarantined for like a month–maybe two. But eight months later, we’re still on punishment and safe at home. I wrote a nifty little post about how to survive this with your children but you know what this didn’t account for?

The mental and emotional health of the nucleus of the family. Me.

I’ve been suffering. I’m a person that really needs a lot of alone time and I was finally regaining things with the children back in school. I’m an empath so I take on all the feelings of those around me and having my husband and kids home with such drastic changes is hard. There are a lot of emotions circulating since my kids went from going to school and seeing their friends every day to just not. The transition into school was hard for them and now they were unexpectedly yanked back out.

And the not knowing of, well, anything has been really hard for me. My state of being varies from moment to moment throughout the day. Since March, there hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I haven’t cried. Some days are more than others. Like a lot of days there are just tears that flow. While other days are full body cries. It’s just hard.

And then there’s the people who are indignant about not wearing masks. Like people who I thought I vibed with turned out to be the ones that I felt most betrayed by. Couple that with having to decide on what happens with my children and schools… I’m ready to move off the grid and leave all this behind.

But I can’t. Quitting isn’t an option so I’ve decided to choose happiness and joy as the world figures out how to make it through this pandemic alive. No, I don’t have a formula for making this happen. But I’m working on it so I can share with you all in hopes that it helps. I want to be in a different headspace for myself, for my kids, for my husband. I want my kids to look back at this time and remember that there were lots of good things that they could hold on to. I want to continue to develop with my husband so that our union is even more solidified than before.

I want to look back on this time and think about how even though it was hard as hell, I still chose joy.

I really struggled with writing for my site because I wasn’t sure if what I had to say was relevant. I wasn’t sure if my readers wanted to read what I had to say. I wasn’t sure if you all were still checking but my stats say you are and many days, you all are the reason I show up so thank you for not giving up on me.

Let’s choose joy together, friends.