I promise I’m not beating myself up. Swear. But here’s my reality:

After I weaned mini, I dropped 60lbs and was in the best shape of my life. I had a little help with hcg shots and a super restrictive diet. But I was suuuuuuuuper disciplined about my workout. I was determined to become something that I wasn’t–a runner. Between 2012-2013, I managed to get at least 10 5k’s, 3 10k’s, 1 half marathon and 1 triathlon under my belt. I felt amazing!!!!

When I found out I was pregnant, I’d put on a little happy weight but I was still in shape. I’d planned on being one of those women that ran and worked out till the dropped their babies. Well, abc had a different plan for my body and that’s not at all what I was like. So I fell off my horse.

It’s a struggle to get back on now. Yes, you burn hella calories with breastfeeding but it’s not enough for me to drop weight or size. Because of the hormones and my inability to restrict my diet the way that I’d like to, this weight loss battle has become just that–a battle. I feel like I’m fighting tooth and nail with my fat cells to just shrink and be gone. My waistline………..oh my waistline. This thing is so thick!

I digress…

But I’m back on the horse. I’ve registered for my first of 4 5k’s I’ve committed to complete this year and I’ve picked up running again. And I use the term running VERY loosely. It’s more like a jog-walk or walk-jog… But I’m getting some miles in. The hard part for me is not being able to pick back up where I left off. Running, actually running–not what I’m doing now, used to be pretty easy. But now it’s a struggle. I lost some my muscle and my endurance.

I swear I’m not beating myself up but getting back on the good foot is so hard!!