Yesterday baby abc had her 4 month check up. In the midst of raising 2 babes, keeping house, and being the best wife I can be, I neglected to mention to my manager that I had to leave early. Then this morning, abc woke up a little cranky and needing some additional mommy snuggles. Part of me wanted to drop her off at school so I could finish up some things I was working on and the other part of me–the bigger part–needed to stay home with my baby.

The bigger part won.

I’m working from home watching her sleep because that’s what she does after shots. She sleeps. All day. Wakes up to eat a little. And then sleeps some more. I’m blessed that I work in a capacity that I can get incredible amounts of work done from home but I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if I’d gone to work.

Would she have gotten the necessary amount of snuggles she needed? Would she be upset and uncomfortable all day wanting to be around her smells and space? Or would she have been fine with just anyone holding her?

It’s times like this that I’m forced to really re-evaluate just what I’m doing now, what I want to be doing, and how I can bridge that gap successfully. Watching my sleeping baby fighting feelings of guilt is definitely the fuel that I need to continue to keep pushing forward to get where I want to be.

I don’t ever want to feel like I have to choose between my babies and my job.